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Annoying Jokes
Pretty Peanut The Great

Annoying Jokes


This is a 2 part joke:
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where is my tractor?

Q: What did the farmer say when his tractor ran him over?
A: I found my tractor.

Knock Knock
Whos There?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock knock
Whos there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orangeya glad I didnt say banana.

Q: What is big, red, and eats rocks?
A: A big red, rock eater!
Dumb Blond Jokes:

Q: How do you drown a dumb blond?

A: You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
 
There is a blond, and she goes to an appliance store, and says "I want to buy this TV" and the owner says "We don't take dumb blonds." Then she comes in the next day with her hair dyed brown, then she points, and says "I want to buy this TV" and then he says "We don't take dumb blonds here." and then she says "How do you know im a blond?"
"Because you are pointing at a microwave.
 
There was a blond, and she was driving down a highway in Idaho.  The highway was in the middle of a wheat field. So she is driving along, and sees this blond sitting in the middle of the field in a row boat, rowing. She gets out of the car, and yells to this girl "Stop it! What are you doing? It is girls like you that give us blonds bad reputations!" and the blond just kept rowing away. So the blond at the highway shouted out "If you don't stop, I will have to swim out there and make you!" 
 
There were thre girls, a blond, a red head, and a brunet.  They were on an island, there was another island 30 miles away. The redhead swam 5 miles, got too tired and swam back. The brunet swam 10 miles, got too tired and swam back. The blond swam 15 miles, got too tired, and swam back 14, an then drowned.
 
A blond walks into a bar.
 
Q:Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
A:They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.
 
Q:Why can't a blonde dial 911?

A:She can't find the eleven.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
 
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
 
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.
 
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house.
 
 How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
 
Q:How did the blonde die raking leaves?
A:She fell out of the tree!

Q:How do you know a blonde's having a bad day? A:Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q:How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?

A:There's M&M shells all over the floor.

Q:Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?

A:A blonde tried to shoot herself!

 Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

Q:Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car?

A:She burned her lips on the tailpipe!

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

Q:What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A:Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job?

A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. ''Where have you been?'' asked the man. ''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''

Q:What is a blonde's mating call?

A:''NEXT!''

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room. He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!''

Q:What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?

A:"Would you like fries with that?"

Q: What is every blonde's ambition?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?

A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''

Q:What do you ask a blonde in a drive-thru?

A:Is that for here or to go?

 

A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?

A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.

There was a blond waiting at a bus stop, she missed bus 44, so she just took bus 22 twice.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''

 A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts.A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?" "Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"

Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?

A: Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?

A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''

Q:What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?

A:They have both been laid all over America.

Q:A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino.

A:''Do you want it hot or cold?''

Q:What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

A:Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q:Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?

A:Her husband was a blonde too!

Q:How does a blonde kill a bird?

A:She throws it off a cliff.

 Q:A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''

A:And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?''

Q:What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A:Turning off the car!

Q:What do you call a blonde with a chainsaw?

A:Dead!

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.'' The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''

Q:How do you confuse a blonde?

A:Tell her a blonde joke.

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow -- you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep." The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him. "Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."

Q:How does a blonde kill a fish?

A:She tries to drown it!

Q:What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A:Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q:What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A:Gifted



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